i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
