can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we made out on top of his cat.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
