I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
