I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I will pee on everything he values.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
