my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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