I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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