i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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