He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
whose parrot is this?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
