I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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