so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
