i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
