New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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