i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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