So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
