i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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