I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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