I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
