cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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