OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
