He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
