If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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