Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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