never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it's great music for shaving your balls
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
