Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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