She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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