my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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