Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
