i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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