and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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