so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize