God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
