Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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