The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
