i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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