I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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