I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
