I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
