i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
