He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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