hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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