I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize