Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
