you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize