I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
