I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
