Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize