His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Pooping to opera.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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