I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
