On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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