We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
