I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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