Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize