i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize