I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
