does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
