just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize