Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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