My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
