Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
