Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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