Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we're making bets on your personal life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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