I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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