i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
