I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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