i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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