So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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