I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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