Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
