We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Found the puke drawer
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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