areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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