onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
