When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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