May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize