don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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