Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
