i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize