He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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