Is it because I queefed?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize